Music: Vanity 6 – Nasty Girl
Drink: Hot cocoa
Mood: Blah

Hey Mr. DJ, won’t you play my favorite record, blame it on the boogie, everybody is a star, take me to the DJ in the happy skies, one way ticket to paradise…

A little blog housekeeping first – you can now click on the “Contact Brandon…” link above to email me questions, blog topic ideas, or just to say hi! Now, on to…

…Craziest wedding ever!

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That’s right, I went to ANOTHER wedding. This was my 9th or 10th wedding in 12 months. Someone actually asked me “Are you a really good matchmaker or something?” hahaha. I still have 2 wedding presents I need to ship off from other past weddings because I have been a slacker, one I need to deliver to a happy couple in town, and need to ship the gift for this past one off too because I forgot to pack it in the car with me. My dining room is starting to look like the Gift Wrap department of your local major department store.

This wedding was the wedding of Tommy and Amber! Amber and I met 10 years ago in college, and we have stayed super close ever since, even though she lives a couple of hours away from me. So when Tommy asked me to be one of his groomsmen, I of course said YES YES YES! And since I was a groomsmen, I was invited the bachelor party. Craziest bachelor party ever? Yes, perhaps. We are actually calling it The Hangover #4, in reference to The Hangover and The Hangover #2 movies. What happened to #3? Oh, this night blew right past #3 and went on to #4….


His brother and best friend were the other two groomsmen, so they were of course coming, along with his father. The plan was to go to Texas de Brazil for dinner, then have VIP bottle service at a club downtown and stay in a hotel walking distance from the club. This was a Tuesday night, mind you, the week of the wedding which would take place on Friday. I had to behave because I had to work the next day…

I was in charge of getting the hotel room. There are only a few hotels within walking distance of Club Vain, AND there was a convention in town so the only room I could get was at a Travel Lodge downtown. I had never stayed in a Travel Lodge before, and I never will again. I think there are jail cells in town nicer than this hotel room.

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Scary shower.

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Scary room. This picture makes it look WAY better than it really was.


I checked into the room and got ready, and the guys met up with me there. Texas de Brazil was awesome as always, its one of those Brazilian steak houses where they carve your steak off of a sword. After that, we dropped the car back off at the hotel and headed for Club Vain. Upon getting there, we were quickly escorted to our VIP booth. I had never been to Vain on a weekday, and figured it would be super slow…boy was I wrong.

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Our VIP hostesses were Amanda and…uh…Roxy? Rey? I have no idea, can’t remember. They brought us our first bottle of Grey Goose and we were talking to them a lot, they were sweet girls. I started talking to Amanda, and found out she was Miss Vietnam Florida 2011. Amanda and I TOTALLY hit it off as buddies and are planning to do brunch soon 🙂

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Me and Miss Vietnam Florida 2011

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The DJ started and the club got CRAY-Z. It was fun so of course we didn’t want to leave our VIP area, so we ordered a second bottle. Then another. David was dancing with his tie around his forehead, and it just got kinda wild, ESPECIALLY for a Tuesday. Whoa. At 1:30AM we still had half a bottle left and had to quickly down it. I mean, you can’t let a $150 bottle of flavored rum go to waste.


Yes, this happened.

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After a few hours of utter insanity, we go back to the hotel where above us there is a group of people partying hardcore. I went to sleep because it was like 3AM and I had to be at work the next day. Apparently, I missed ALL the drama.

I woke up to the loudest alarm ever heard, which sounded like the ghetto hotel phone on the nightstand, so I figured it was a wake-up call someone ordered. I picked up the phone and hung it back up and it didn’t stop. I couldn’t make it stop no matter what I did. It was SO loud and I was so confused with having woken up to a completely trashed hotel room with everyone passed out in their clothes, my mind was blurry and racing and THIS PHONE WOULDN’T STOP RINGING. So I unplugged the phone. STILL RINGING. I thought I was going to die, it was SO LOUD. I was SO CONFUSED. So I called the front desk and was like “THE PHONE WON’T STOP RINGING!” and the guy was like “Um. Ok?” No help there, so I hung up the phone, and then it magically stopped. I had no idea what happened with that, and just quickly got my stuff together, could only find one shoe in the mess of pizza and trash, and then go outside to my car to leave. Which was COVERED in what looked like red tomato sauce.  Whatever, I didn’t even CARE at that point, I just need to get out of there.

I was exhausted at work the next day. Thursday I still really hadn’t recouped and wasn’t sure what exactly transpired in the hotel while I was sleeping, but figured I would find out once I got to the hotel in Bradenton that night for the wedding. Being that I was taking that Friday off of work on our busiest week of the year due to year end, I worked Thursday night at the office till 11PM! THEN drove 2 hours to Bradenton. I was beyond exhausted. When I did get to the hotel, Tommy and David filled me in on what happened…

After I fell asleep that night of the bachelor party, somehow the electronic door handle, where you slip in the key card, broke off the door and wires were everywhere. Tommy’s brother wasn’t feeling well, so his mom drove 3 hours to come pick him up in the middle of the night. Two of the guys got pizza, and then the guys started talking outside to the people at the raging party above us upstairs and a fight started somehow with a girl throwing Tabasco sauce on David, and one of the guys got slapped in the face by some ghetto girl (this apparently is when my car got covered in sauce). After the brawl, someone from our room called the POLICE on the room upstairs, saying there were drugs. So yeah, the cops showed up and raided the room above us while I slept below. After the brawl and raid, Tommy made friends with one of the girls and everything was cool again. The phone that kept ringing actually wasn’t the hotel room phone, it was just David’s alarm on his iphone that was set to sound like a old phone ringing. What a hot mess!

I slept till noon and woke up craving Arby’s, and luckily there was an Arby’s right down the street! Yay!

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I’m thinkin’ Arby’s!

But when I got there, it was closed down, so I had to settle for Subway instead. Damn you, Bradenton, FL! I got ready for the wedding and put my tux on, and was a little freaked because my little neck is SO little that I couldn’t make the pre-tied tuxedo tie small enough! I couldn’t make it small enough to fit nice and neat around my neck and started to PANIC. Luckily I had a safety pin and made it work. Whew, crisis averted! The Hummer limo arrived at 2:30 to start taking us to the wedding venue, and the best man gave us our Groomsmen gift of pocket watches with our names and date of the wedding engraved on the.

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The wedding was at Mixon’s Fruit Farm, a very popular wedding spot. It was a GORGEOUS day, and a beautiful venue. I got to see so many faces I hadn’t seen in years! Finally it was time for the big moment, and Amber looked GORGEOUS!!!!

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After the ceremony, we took TONS of great pictures with the photographers, I can’t wait to see how they turned out. After we were done with that, this happened:


And this.

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The food was London broil, and other fine fixin’s. Yum. After our wedding party entrances/announcements, and the speeches, the fun really started. We danced and danced and danced, and then I caught the garter of course. My third garter catch in a year! Woo hoo! 😉

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After I caught the garter though, the DJ told me that I must put in on the girl that caught the bouquet, and the higher up on her leg it went meant the longer Amber and Tommy’s marriage would last. Gulp. I didn’t know this girl, we only talked briefly the night before. So I mustered up some courage as all eyes were on me, they started the music and I put the garter in my mouth, and sexually crawled up to the lucky girl as the crowd and photographers went wild! I placed it on her leg, while putting on quite a show, and then was instructed by the DJ I had put in on the WRONG LEG and that I must do it over again. So, I walked back to my starting point, dropped on all fours again, and did it JUST the same way I did it the first time. The crowd went CRAZY!

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After more dancing, we headed back to the hotel in the Hummer limo for the after party, which ended up happening in my room cuz I had one of the suites in the hotel. They brought up all the leftover food and booze from the reception, and we PARTIED! And I MIGHT have gone skinny dipping in the hot tub…did I or didn’t I? I will leave that for you to decide, my blog readers 😉 I made many new friends, and loved on Tommy and Amber. It was SUCH a fun night!

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Other than that, my Gucci scarf I had ordered online came. I was super stoked.

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When I opened the box, this is what I found:

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Yes, that is a child’s beanie. Um, where is my scarf!? So I called and was like “Hi. I ordered a men’s scarf, and got a child’s hat. Can you help me?” I am then told I ordered a CHILDREN’S scarf. I was like “I ordered this scarf from the MEN’S section of your website, and the description definitely did not indicate this was kid’s.” The day after I ordered it, I went online to view it again and it was gone and I thought “Oh wow, I must have ordered the last one!” So yeah, the website totally goofed up somehow, AND they sent me the wrong item on top of that. And I couldn’t even return it to the store because my receipt indicated an item different from what I had, so I had to ship it back. FAIL.

I came down with a bad cold last week, which I am still battling so I laid low this past week.

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My “Get Well” supplies

Friday night I had a nice dinner at Fishbones and watched the 1984 movie ‘Amadeus’ about Mozart. LOVED. IT. Saturday night, Jon and Jill had a little get together for the premier of the Casey Anthony movie which I attended. They had handcuffs on the door, and served ‘upscale prison food’ of fruit cups, sandwiches and chips.

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Congrats Jeff Ashton! I mean…Jose Baez…

The movie was REALLY good! Its crazy that the movie transpired here in real life in Orlando, and all my lawyer friends that had gathered to watch the movie did infact know the people portrayed in the movie in real life. Crazy! After that, I ventured downtown for Jenny’s birthday party on Wall St, but I couldn’t stay because my friend I was with, who drove me, didn’t have his ID so he couldn’t get in. So all I could do was snap a quick picture and down a quick shot, wish her a happy birthday and leave. I was so sad and just felt horrible 😦


Sunday was a low key day as well, and joined my mom and George for his birthday at Kobe. Nom nom nom.

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Enjoying the sunny day

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onward to dinner!

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What shenanigans will I get into this weekend?! I guess we will see 🙂

Goodbye for now disco stars, wishing you champagne wishes and caviar dreams.