Music: Baby Come To Me – James Ingram & Patti Austin
Drink: Fanta Grape soda
Mood: Pensive

Hey now did I see you here last Sunday? I’m the guy who brought you that Moet, partied all night long ’til early Monday, yes I know I’m certain that we’ve met ….

Please excuse me while I unleash a Valentine’s Day Tirade.

Valentine’s Day has now come and gone, THANK GOODNESS. The one day a year where you get mocked by a paper calendar as it screams at you “REMINDER: You are SINGLE.”

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Last week was hard for me. I have never had a Valentines date. Ever. In my LIFE. Hallmark commercials this year made me cry. And I can’t even walk into a Walgreens this time of year, seeing all the candy hearts and stuffed animals. I get so mad when I hear someone in a relationship say “Oh Valentine’s Day is overrated” or “It’s just another day, we’re not doing anything special”. It angers me because to someone that has never gotten to experience it, Valentine’s Day is the biggest, hugest, most important thing ever.

Just once, I want to be that couple at a nice candlelit restaurant spooning each other some chocolate  molten lava cake and drinking expensive wine, and then going to back to some hotel room that looks something like this…

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I want to be surrounded by chocolate hearts and oversized stuffed animals. I do. I want one of those huge stuffed animals, and I will still love it even when trying to figure out where in my house to store it. I want one and deserve one, damnit.

I want someone to light candles for me and have rose petals all over the bed. I want to wear a red tie. I want to experience it just due to the simple fact that I never have before.

And I want to have dinner here…

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The Venetian Room at Caribe Royale

I ended up at Olive Garden with my mom and her boyfriend George. It was a nasty, rainy night out but we had a good time. And she had Valentines cookies and a heart for me. I guess Mom will always be your Valentine when no one else will be 🙂

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And no, I am not trying to have a pity party or have people post stuff to make me feel better. It just truly upsets me. Yes, it may be a silly and pointless holiday. But this silly and pointless holiday still means a lot to me.

Sigh. Maybe one day. On to other tirades…

I hate it when people don’t know what they want to order when it’s their turn at a drive through or inside in line. I was in Chic-Fil-A the other day, and the dude in front me didn’t know what he wanted when he got to the register, even though we had been in line for like 10 minutes. And then the girl asked him, after he finally ordered, what kind of sauces he wanted and he says “What kinds do you have?” UM how long have you been on planet earth!? How do you NOT KNOW what sauces they have at a Chic-Fil-A!? Then the poor cashier girl was trying to explain the difference between the Polynesian sauce and the Chic-Fil-A sauce. That’s as challenging as describing what ‘green’ is to Helen Keller. That’s like walking into a Wendy’s and being like “Uh, what’s a ‘Frosty’?” He had on a University of Central Florida t shirt and flip flops, no accent or anything, so it’s not like he wasn’t from around here. I almost snapped his neck. If you live in the south, it is your duty, obligation, and God given right and privilege to eat at a Chic-Fil-A once a week. And God help you if I see you in there and you haven’t ordered a sweet tea….

Moving on…

neti-pot

I saw a status update of my fraternity brother Chris, asking if he should use a Neti Pot for his congested sinuses. (Is neti pot a proper noun? Should it be capitalized?) Has anyone had a bad experience with a neti pot? I have one and am terrified…let me emphasize, TERRIFIED…to use it. What if I die?! What if I water board myself to death by pouring hot water in my nose and it not come out? OMG, what if I DROWN USING A NETI POT?! How awful and scary. It could be days before someone finds my cold, dead, congested body on my fabulous white and black checkerboard tiled bathroom floor, clutching my blue neti pot. But this could be an amazing alien invention bestowed on us from some other civilization that could be the sinus infection cure all. Am I missing out? To neti or not to neti, that is the question.

Talking Neti Pot neti

So, I have just found out about The Harlem Shake. Why…why…WHY am I starting to miss out on all these social media crazes?! It’s starting to concern me…I am usually the one that knows what the newest and best thing is. But I missed the Harlem Shake apparently. I missed out on The Wobble and The Wop, only to find out about them on my 30th birthday cruise. All the spring breakers obviously knew these dances but I didn’t. Talk about feeling old. AND I missed out on Gangam Style, only to be like the last to find out about it and hear it. And on Valentine ’s Day, my mom was the one to tell me about Chris P. Bacon, the handicapped baby pig. Am I doing something wrong these days? Is this what happens when you get to be in your 30s?! Is there anything else going on I should know about? Teach me your ways people!!

And where is Paris Hilton these days? She didn’t die, right? I figure I would have heard about that at least. Come back to mainstream media Paris, I miss you and that’d be hot. Kisses.

Speaking of celebrities, in other big news today, Clive Davis came out as being a bisexual. My first thought was like ‘he likes women!?’ Hearing his name along with anything ‘sexual’ in the same sentence is just…gross. I think we all could have gotten along just fine without this information.

Speaking of getting along fine without something, I could have gotten along just fine without all the booze I consumed this weekend. (Now how is THAT for a segue!?)

O-M-G with lots of cheese, Friday night was out of CONTROL. It was Meredith’s birthday and we were all congregating at Shipyard Brewery in Winter Park for the occasion. I arrived a bit late and when I arrived people had already started ordering champagne bottles. I knew this was going to be an intense night. So I ordered myself a bottle, and then shortly after almost everyone had their own bucket at the table.

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The conversation flowed as easily as the champagne. Bottle after bottle was popped, I was starting to wonder if the restaurant was going to run out. I started singing “We’re poppin’ bottles up in here all night, all night!” and then I was like wow I haven’t heard that song in a long time. Then I realized it was actually Rhianna’s song “I’m breakin’ dishes up here all night, all night” that I was thinking of, and felt a little silly, like no wonder I hadn’t heard it in a long time, those lyrics don’t exist. Met a lot of cool people, and met Meredith’s new Louis Vuitton purse her husband got for her. We named her Lexy.

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Happy couple

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I love me some Meredith!

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At one point I went outside to make a phone call, and they had a band outside playing Hotel California by The Eagles. LOVE THAT SONG! So after my call to my dad to tell him to meet us out, I stayed outside and enjoyed the song, and the older generation people that were sitting outside were shocked that I knew all the words. As I was standing outside, my friend Melissa texted me:

Melissa: What are you doing?
Brandon: Going to sing karaoke on Edgewater Drive. Right now standing outside the restaurant listening to a band play The Eagles and missing the 70s
Melissa: YOU WEREN’T EVEN ALIVE IN THE 70s!!!!!

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So after that, my dad arrived to the party and we proceeded to the next venue (after I paid mine and Jon’s $300 bar tab), The Local which is a bar that has karaoke on Friday nights. Jon cut his hand on a beer bottle and had to go home, but my dad and I stayed out to party on. We totally ended up at Denny’s at 2:00AM.

I get home and sleep in, of course. My big plan was to spend the day drinking Starbucks and shopping at the mall for some much needed retail therapy, then go to Mt. Dora for the night for a great night with Tim and Brooke! Well I get all ready to leave, and can’t find my debit card. My debit card I totally had at Denny’s last night. I tear my house upside down looking for and determine I must have left it at the restaurant. UGH! So I call and the lady puts me on hold….for 10 minutes. Then I get disconnected. I call back…busy. Busy. Still busy! OMG! I am going to have to drive all the way down there not knowing if it’s there or not! So, I bring my bags for the night to The Countess and put them on the trunk as I go back inside for more of my stuff. Pull out the garage, and I hear two thuds and then realize I ran something over. MY LOUIS BAGS. I RAN OVER my Louis Vuitton duffle (named Uncle Vinny) and my messenger (Rex)! They are both covered in dirt, and oil! OMG!!! EPIC FAIL! I was like cuddling them like I had backed up over my child, my neighbors outside probably thought I was nuts. I cleaned them off, and they are THANKFULLY ok. Wow.

So I drive down to Denny’s restaurant in Winter Park, calling all the way there. Busy. So I walk in and tell the lady at the desk why I was there and she goes “OH! You’re the one I talked to on the phone! I got sidetracked.” UM YEAH NO SHIT. I just GLARED at her. Unfortunately, my card was not there. Fail. So I called and canceled it.

I arrived at Tim and Brooke’s in Mt. Dora and we were going for hibachi at a restaurant called Lampu. I arrive at their house and immediately get in their car to go. We arrived at the restaurant and I realized…I left my cell phone at their house. UGH. So poor Tim was SUPER nice and drove back to get it. I mean, could you imagine if I couldn’t check-in on Facebook? The horror. Luckily, Tim saved the day and drove back to their house to retrieve my phone.

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Brooke and I each ordered a scorpion drink for two…for each of us. Let that sink in…

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Our lobsters cookin’

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The food was AMAZING. We all had filet and lobster and it was REALLY SERIOUSLY GOOD. I was so full but just kept eating. We met some nice people sitting beside us who commented on my JR Ewing phone cover, so I obviously talked to them about DALLAS…All night.

It was COLD out. When we left we were freeeezing I put on big black puffy jacket and we headed to Lowe’s to buy a fire pit for the evening. Tim loves trance and electronic dance music like me, so we were JAMMING out in the car and I get out of the car at Lowes still kinda dancing with the music still in my head, in my big puffy jacket, and am I like “gosh I look like the Michelin man in this thing!” and Brooke replies “Yeah, you look like the Michelin man…at a rave.” LOL hilarious

We get back to the house and have our fire pit going, with the red wine flowing. Their neighbor Scott came over and we just drank and laughed ALL night long! It was another perfect evening with the Barnards 🙂

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The next morning I woke up and got ready for brunch with my Jenny! After downing some coffee and donning a blazer, I was ready for Sunday brunch. Hopped in The Countess and sped off to Dexter’s in Thornton Park on a cold and blustery Sunday morning. The wait is always ridic there, so we got a mimosa at the bar and stood outside in the sun and talked and laughed and laughed.

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We ended up sitting at the bar inside, and had a great bartender that was hilarious. We talked and gossiped and dished for a few hours. When I saw a Croque Madame on the menu, I was like OMG! I know what I’m having! It was not a traditional Croque Madame like I usually have in Paris, so I didn’t enjoy it. Nasty.

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Croque Madame my *ss.

So after a few mimosas, we decided it was time to switch venues so I texted a few of our peeps to go to Ember downtown for drinks. Off to Ember it was, on a gorgeous Orlando day.

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OMG, now we’re at Ember!! Craziest Sunday ever!

Brett, Jeff, Chris, Adrianna, and Chris met us there, and we had some drinks at the bar, ran into people we know, and just talked and talked and danced a little and enjoyed our fun bartender Danny.

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Me, Jenny, and Brett being Brett

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Chris and Adrianna

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It got PACKED and after being there several hours, were we going to call it a day? Heck no! Adrianna and I didn’t have to work the next day, so we decided to take this party to her and Chris’s house. After a few cocktails, and some yummy sausage, it was time to play Just Dance on the Wii!

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And then things got…crazy…

And that’s all I will say about that. But seriously one of the most fun day and nights I have had in a LONG TIME. And LOVE me some Chris and Adrianna!

Thank goodness I was off on Monday, I spent the day on the couch watching court TV shows like The Peoples Court, which I LOVE. Not too much happening this week, which is nice. Just been catching up on housework and laundry.

Well, I guess that’s it. You are all caught up now 🙂 Still trying to cement my birthday plans. And someone should make this for me:

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Remember, if you want to hear my opinions or have me blog on a certain topic, click the Contact Brandon link at the top of the page and shoot me an email!

Goodnight disco stars, wishing you champagne wishes and caviar dreams.

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xo

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