Music: Kiss Me – Robbie Williams
Drink: Fresh Lemonade
Mood: Beyond Exhausted

Baby, you’ve got me burning burning, you’ve got me falling so deep, got me tossing and turning turning, I’m so tired but I still can’t sleep…

Oh my goodness, it has been weeks…WEEKS since I updated! So sorry my faithful blog readers. I think you should spank me 😉  I promise I will update more frequently!

Spring is here! Its time for canoe rides, swimmin’ holes, Easter egg hunts, and SPRING CLEANING. Yes, you know you need to do it, so just get it over with people. Clean up your Winter nastiness. We were all busy with the holidays and probably let some things slide, so lets get on it now people.

Here are 10 tips from Brandon to help you spring into Spring!

  1. Have a wine night and decorate Easter eggs with friends. Its something fun and different to do. If you live in Florida, do it on a nice warm night on your patio while drinking Lakeridge Winey’s Southern White wine.
  2. Clean out all your drawers. Bedroom, kitchen, bath. It won’t take as long as you think and it will make you feel so organized and refreshed. And who knows what you’ll find!
  3. Now is the perfect time of year to buy new shorts. Try to buy dressy shorts, you can wear them more often than you think if you just try them out. Stores just put them out, so you’ll have a great selection. And now is also the perfect time to wear belts like these:
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  4. Be the first on your block to plant some bright colored flowers outside your house. Some annuals are only $.97 at your local superstore or home improvement store. It freshens up everything drastically, and once your neighbors see them, sit back and watch – you may start a trend on your street. 😉
  5. Do something active with a group of friends! Be the planner! We’ve all been bundled up by the fire, time to get outside and get some fresh air! I bet you more people will be willing than you think. Plan a little canoe trip, or picnic/bbq in the park, or even just a brunch on your lanai 🙂
  6. Rainbow flip flops. Trust me, buy a pair, you’ll never wear any other kind. Seriously. And tan those feets!
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  7. Pastels. Did I just instill fear in some that read that? Don’t be afraid to wear a springy color you think is too Easter-eggy or too purple or too pink. Its spring! Everything is coming back to life, so live a little! And if you are a guy, YES you can wear pink. Its ok. Really. Saying a guy can’t wear pink is as archaic as saying women can’t vote.
    men-in-pink-4234451000012077702And read this please:
    http://forgetoday.com/lifestyle/the-power-of-pink-men-listen-up/
  8. Open up those windows! You don’t need to run your AC on a nice, cool night. There is nothing better than having a cool breeze blowing through your house as your cuddled on the couch reading my blog with a nice glass of red. I love how my sheer drapes blow when the wind blows!
  9. Take that tax return and treat yourself to some hot new shades for this spring and summer. Try on a color you wouldn’t normally buy, like white or pink. You may be surprised how much you like them and many compliments you get! But for the love of blog, if you get nice ones with a case, USE THE CASE.
  10. Start a blog, maybe about your spring time shenanigans. I did, and now I’m huge in Belgium. 

Lets see, so much has been going on! A few concerts, work, birthday insanity, beach day, and more, whoa.

I have been so annoyed with people lately, its like they just can’t even think for themselves, or are just so lazy, or both. Like last week, I called Express to see if they had a particular suit jacket in stock in my size before I drove down there. I told the girl it was a black, one button, cotton sateen, 38 short, in their ‘Photographer’ cut. I even had the sku and model number. So the ditzy girl puts me on hold and comes back and is all like “We don’t have any one-button suit jackets.” I am sure my head did a complete 360 and I wanted to be like “UM yes you do, I know you do.” But I couldn’t say that right? What do I do, get in an argument over the phone? WTF Why are people SO dumb? It was all I could do not to say “UM I know its there. I said the cotton sateen jacket, NOT the wool. Dumbass. Can I speak to someone else besides Helen Keller?” I mean, it wasn’t even 11AM, there is no one in your store right now. I worked retail, I know you’re freaking folding shirts and hanging out with your peeps at the cash-wrap talking shit about your district manager, or the new fro-yo place in the food court. GO FIND MY BLAZER. UGH. First world problems are REAL problems, people.

And then one night a friend and I wanted to go on the swan paddle boats on Lake Eola, so we get ALL the way down there, a good hour and a half before they closed, and they were all chained up and the gate was closed and there was no one around. So we assumed since it was so cold that night, they weren’t open. So we got coffee instead and sat in the Lake Eola gazebo. WELL walking back to the car, there were swan boats being taken out on the lake and totally a worker there now. He must have been on break or something. Its like, you can’t hang a Be Back In 5 Minutes sign!?!? Truly, wtf.

Its crap like this that makes me get a little stabby.

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Lets recap a little of the past few weeks, shall we?

A couple of weeks ago I went out on a Friday to my favorite restaurant in town, 310 on Park, and had the most PERFECT table outside, I love sitting outside there on Park Ave, drinking my favorite wine they have. It was PERFECT. This is what I wore, with my new red Converse shoes –

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And that was the last time I saw those jeans. I have NO IDEA where they are. And no, I didn’t do anything crazy or scandalous that night. I just can’t find them. And those are my favorite True Religions. Will keep you posted on that…

The next day I went to Cocoa Beach with my and his friend Jeannie to see a blues performer Selwyn Birchwood they are always raving about and going to see all the time. So I met up with them and off to Cocoa we went! We had some laughs in the hotel room before getting ready, then hopped in a cab to dinner near the venue. We were running a little so my dad left me and Jeannie still at the restaurant so he could go get a seat at the bar Selwyn was playing at. So we walk into the bar and my dad is talking to this dude with an afro and is like “Stay here, I’ll be right back” and he walks outside and I’m like uh ok, no clue what was going on. So I am standing there alone and then I am like screw this I am going to see what he is doing, and I walk out and he is at this unmarked van taking a shot with the afro-dude, and then they see me and my dad is like “Oh Selwyn, this is my son, Brandon meet Selwyn” I was like omg I didn’t know my dad like TALKED to him and stuff! And it turns out a girl I work with went to school with Selwyn, so Selwyn and I were immediately pals 🙂

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Us with Selwyn!

Us with Selwyn!

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The show was AMAZING. Selwyn is like blues with like a hippie groove thing, he is AMAZING! My favorite song he sang was “Florida Boy” with the lyrics “I’m a Florida boy baby, Sunshine State I was born and raised…”  We had SO MUCH fun, everyone in the bar was dancing, the energy was off the charts. The bar opened out onto the beach and the moon and weather were perfect, gotta love living in FL! At one point Selwyn got in to the dance floor playing his guitar in the middle of a song, and then just walked outside and was playing his guitar outside while we all listened inside, it was crazy cool. They had this stuffed Muppet of Animal on the base drum, so everytime the drum would be hit, the stuffed Animal Muppet would dance. I was MESMORIZED by it and was lucky enough to sneak a pic with it…

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We drank SO MUCH I thought my bar tab was going to be OUTRAGEOUS cuz I sprung for the drinks at the bar, but thankfully it was only like $75 for the THREE of us. Thank you beach-dive-bar price. That night we afterpartied in the hotel room, I think….I went in the bathroom to take a phone call and fell asleep on the bathroom floor while eating potato chips.

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Classy, I know. The next morning we hobbled in to an IHOP. Literally, hobbled, because Jeannie somehow sprained her ankle amidst the antics of the night. We got back to Orlando unscathed and I took a much needed nap.

That next week was kind of uneventful, and that Friday Selwyn Birchwood was playing at a bar near where I live! So I called up my pal Deana and her bf Chris to join my dad and some of his peeps at a bar in Sanford to see Selwyn. It was COLD that night.

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Brrrrrrr

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Another great performance by Selwyn! And this lady ended up sitting next to me at our table in the bar, and thought I was 21! I loved her immediately. My dad was grabbed by like some 65+ year old woman on the dance floor, and OMG could she dance!

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I stayed up WAY too late that night, and therefore slept way too late the next day. That following night was the swan boat fiasco as mentioned earlier at Lake Eola.

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The next day I started to work on the yard a bit and things have started growing again now that its warm, until this happened:

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GRRR. Yard work fail. So that put an end to that.

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The next week I was getting ready for my birthday party!!! WOOT WOOT. But in the middle of the week I had Michelle, Julie, and her boyfriend Stacey over for some wine and cheese!

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Super fun times with them as usual, and Stacey is like the nicest guy ever. We had SO much wine…well, TOO much wine. After they left, the 80s music I had playing was still on so I had a little dance party by myself.

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And I discovered this song by Samantha Fox….

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x6xzllOTCC8

OMG obsessed.

My birthday party was that Saturday, and I had planned to stay downtown that evening so I wouldn’t have to worry about driving and stuff. So I had a room at the Double Tree Hilton downtown, but decided that Friday that I wanted to stay at the Grand Bohemian cuz that’s more my style, and plus its closer to where we were going to be so I could walk to everything as opposed to taking the Double Tree shuttle. Well, I checked availability at the Bohemian that Friday during work and they had rooms. I get home and cancel the Double Tree then go to book the Bohemian, and the Bohemian was SOLD OUT. WTF?! Ok, so I get online to rebook at Double Tree and THEY ARE ALREADY SOLD OUT, minutes after I canceled my room. Ok, Embassy Suites. Sold out. Sheraton, Sold out. OMG OMG OMG. Apparently there was some teachers’ convention intown and some Blues festival. EVERY room downtown was booked. O. M. G. What was I going to do!? I booked a Courtyard a ways from downtown, and hoped something would open up the next morning, and stayed in that night to rest for the next day’s shenanigans. Luckily, the next morning I got back at the Double Tree, and packed my bag and epic outfit for my birthday party night!

As most people were texting me questions all that day, I sent the following to the guests:

Omg, the day is here! Can’t wait to spend tonight with my AMAZING friends 🙂

Been getting a TON of questions today, so here are the answers:

For those that can’t make it, the preshow starts live at 6:00 on E!, Joan Rivers and Ryan Seacrest will be working the red carpet.

Rhianna is not, I repeat is NOT, bringing Chris Brown.

The NSYNC reunion performance will be outside on Church St. For those that have backstage passes, please wear your lanyards.

Yes, Lindsey Lohan was given permission by the judge to be here tonight, but she’ll probably pass out really soon so get your pics with her early while she is still coherent.

And please, if anyone sees Mariah Carey trying to get in, please contact security. She does this EVERY year….

See you all tonight!

I hopped in The Countess and picked up Adrianna on the way, and off to the hotel we went. We stopped by Cookie Cousins to pick up cookies I ordered to have at everyone’s place settings at the restaurant. The cookies matched my outfit I had planned perfectly, of course.

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We arrive at the hotel and Adrianna surprises me by busting out pink champagne and strawberries!

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She also introduced me to Pandora, which has kind of changed my life. Shortly after, Tim and Brooke joined the party and we all started getting ready!

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Ready to go!

We arrived at the dinner location, where I had reservations for 30, at Loft 55 on the patio overlooking Church Street Station in downtown Orlando. Well, we show up and there is NOTHING set up. I talk to the hostess and am like ‘Hi, I have a reservation for 30’ and she is like ‘Um I don’t have that down….lemme go talk to someone…’  I silently started to flip out and hope for the best. Luckily one person knew what was going on so they finally start setting up tables. I placed the cookies out and the guests start showing up. And showing and showing up! We had to have more tables added twice, as the total guest count ended up being 37. EPIC.

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I started getting really nervous at the hotel, bc all these people were coming for ME and I wanted to make sure they had a good time. I was REALLY nervous. But everything turned out fine, the cookies were awesome, however the service was not. We had ONE waitress for 37 people! It was kinda crazy. I mingled my way around the table a few times trying desperately to talk to everyone.

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Despite the service sucking, I think everyone enjoyed themselves. At least I hope they did. We were there for New Year’s Eve and the service sucked, so someone at my party said something and they gave us vouchers for 3 free bottles, however they had to be used THAT NIGHT before 11:30. My plan was to go to One80 Grey Goose Lounge at the Amway center overlooking the Orlando skyline, so I told everyone who wanted to stay for free bottles at Loft 55 could, I would leave with the others to One80, and we’d all meet back up, so that’s what we did.

One80 Grey Goose is AMAZING. I love being on the rooftop patio overlooking the skyline of the city I love so much. We had some drinks, listened to awesome dance music, and then decided it was time to go meet back up with the rest of the party. We headed back to Loft 55 to pick up the rest of my entourage.

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Chris’s sister, Kim, is a VIP hostess at some of the best clubs downtown, so Adrianna took us to Backroom where Kim was working. Upon walking in, we were all taken to a huge VIP booth and the waitresses started bringing bottles of vodka with sparklers attached to them. Then Kim walks up to me and is like ‘I’ll have the DJ play any song you want to hear at any time, what do you want to hear first?’ And I was still in such shock about everything happening I was like ‘Play ghetto rap music!’ she texts him on her phone and BOOM it immediately comes on.

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Then as we are all hanging out in our VIP booth, I turn around and Kim is in the middle of the dance floor, which has been cleared, and the DJ comes on and is like “Everyone, wish Brandon Edwards a happy 31st birthday, raise your glasses!” and then Kim has me step down from the booth and dance with waitresses holding sparklers and more bottles as the entire club watched, it was CRAAAAAAZY.

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Bottles and bottles kept coming. Vodka. Shots. Champagne. It came faster than we could all drink it. It was the kind of birthday party people dream about having! I told my bestie Val about it a day or two later and her exact words were:

“Brandon. OF COURSE this happened on your 31st. People dream of this for huge birthdays like 21 or 30, but no, this was just your 31st birthday, that usually would just be tame, but not for you, of course not!”

And then things got a little, confusing…

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I woke up naked in the hotel room with a cut knee. No idea. Apparently coming back to the hotel at like 2:30am, the glass hotel doors were locked and Adrianna started kicking the door with her leopard print pumps until security came and threatened to call the police on us. Luckily, that was all avoided. I couldn’t find my camera, my cell phone was gone, I was a HOT mess. No phone?! How was I to make brunch plans?! And omg my camera with all my amazing pics from my EPIC night! AAAH! Brooke and Tim crashed in my room as well, and had Adrianna’s number so I had her text people about my camera and also make brunch plans for me. She even made the texts she sent sound like me “Come to EPIC brunch!”  I rallied hardcore, got dress, and off to Hue I sped for a birthday brunch. Adrianna came and brought my phone, and my Jenny had my camera! YAY! Crisis averted 🙂 And our usual bartender made everyone at brunch with me a special bday shot.

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After epic-brunch, Jenny, Chris and I went to Ember for some more cocktails as it was such a gorgeous day, and plus we like drinking during the day. I rode with Jenny and Chris there, and we parked in the garage next to Ember and there was no parking attendant so we were like, cool free parking. After fun times at Ember, we get back to the garage and now the attendant is there and has a cone behind Jenny’s car. We were like UH WTF. So the douchebag attendant is like “You need to pay $10” and we were all like “There was no one here to pay when we got here, no sign, nothing.” And the douchebag was all like “Well either pay it or I tow you.” And I’m thinking, uh we can just leave, wtf?! So Chris goes to get cash and me and Jenny are in the car talking about how ridiculous this is, there was no sign about paying at all! So Jenny is like “I am just going to back the car up. This is ridiculous, I can run over that cone!” And I like “omg no Jenny no!” while laughing and giggling like a school girl. So she hops into the driver seat and is like “I am just going to do it! Should I do it?! Just tell me to and I will!” And I am like “Omg Chris is going to KILL YOU” and she was literally like seconds from doing it and running over the cone and speeding away, but Chris came back just in time!

I had dinner with my mom that night and then went home and CRASHED hard. WHAT. A. WEEKEND!

Tuesday was my actual birthday. My mom was out of town Monday through Friday for business, so this was the first birthday where I wouldn’t see my mom. Sad. Luckily, Adrianna and Jenny were willing to meet me for happy hour, and Victor came too! I changed at the office and met the group at the bar at Brio, where we dished more about the CRAZY weekend we just had, and Adrianna and I made a pact that we can never live in different cities! After happy hour at Brio and meeting some nice ladies next to us, we went over to Taps for more drinks, and Chris and Christin came too!

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While sitting at Taps, Victor goes outside for contact lens solution, and comes back to our seats. A few minutes later, the waitress shows up with this amazing bottle of Remy Martin pink champagne cognac in a bucket with glasses for all of us! AMAZING surprise. We drank that and had a few Manhattans before we called it a night. SUCH a wonderful birthday I had! Probably the best ever! I am so lucky and blessed to have amazing, truly amazing friends in my life 🙂

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I met Nikki for an Arby’s birthday lunch that Wednesday, and it was SO fun to catch up with her. We both LOOOOVE Arby’s more than life itself. She treated me to lunch and a shake and some super cute gifts. I did NOTHING that Friday night, as I was STILL recouping from epic-birthdayness.

We all planned a beach day on Sunday, so Saturday I planned to go shopping with Victor for green boardshorts since Sunday was St Patty’s day. I drove with the top down on The Countess and go stuck in the worst I-4 traffic EVER. On a HOT day. WITH the top down. I was drenched in sweat and my forehead was scorched as I walked into Cheesecake Factory at Millenia. I was fit to be tied cuz it took me like an hour and a half to get there with traffic, so I immediately ordered a mimosa to calm my road rage.

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Dear Express, WHERE are my latest coupons!? I went in Express and found all this stuff I wanted, but I feel like its dumb to buy stuff there unless you have their amazing coupons. I feel like they always send them when I don’t want anything, but when I do it takes FOREVER to get the latest ones in the mail. Still waiting…

But I did have a great shopping day, and bought a lot of things, including ANOTHER blazer. If you know me, you know I am obsessed with blazers. This one I bought is AMAZEBALLS. ‘Amazeballs’ its my new word I am trying out right now, to replace ‘epic’ since I use ‘epic’ so epically much.

We found NO green boardshorts at Millenia, so we tried the Florida Mall instead, but still no luck. But I still managed to find some great things, like these great shorts from Zara –

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After shopping, I changed in the mall bathroom (classy, I know, but I was wearing a blazer ;)) and headed to Del Frisco’s my birthday dinner with Mom and George. OH it was SO good as always. I enjoyed some amazing pinot noir (my favorite with steak), a huge steak, and all the usual fixin’s. The meal was ended with their signature orange cake that we shared, and I opened some great birthday presents including a ton of shaving and shower stuff from L’occitane which I am crazy about.

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After a fantastic dinner, which was a fantastic end to a fantastic birthday week, I swung over to Baldwin Park to meet up with Jon and the Sassos for some drinks. We ended up at CaddyShanks then moved over to Jack’s for more drinks. We were all at the bar with some other friends, and we realized Jon was no where to be found. We turned around to find him at the band, and he immediately infiltrated his way into the band and started performing for the bar, where he stayed for the rest of evening. Needless to say, I stayed out WAY too late that night, as I had to get up EARLY to be picked up for the beach!

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I woke up with epic-hangover. I didn’t even drink that much! It was all I could do to make it to Publix for the necessities of the day – beer, chips, sandwiches, etc. I pulled it together and was ready to go when Chris and Victor showed up. We made  a quick mimosa, and I downed my hangover McDonalds breakfast Victor was kind enough to pick up for me, and we were off to beach day! I knew Adrianna had been in Daytona Beach the night before and I asked Chris how her night was and he said he didn’t know, she just sent him a picture of her in ferris wheel. Typical! Couldn’t wait to hear about that night…

The water was like ice! But the sun was beaming so we laid out and listened to some tunes, and then Jenny, Chris, Lewis arrived and shortly after that Adrianna, Christin, and Christin’s friend showed up. We all had drinks and sat around talking. The girls told us of their epic Daytona Beach night (it was Bike Week), and oh my gosh what a night they had! They had to stay in a Budget Inn, their feet were black from the hotel room floor, and Adrianna remembered all of a sudden she took a picture in an ice cream truck! I was DYING laughing and then Christin’s friend was like “I didn’t want to say anything, but I woke up and my underwear was on the floor and wet and I don’t know why”  I was laughing so hard I was CRYING.

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Being that the Euga’s started the tradition of us having epic beach days and they now live in Lexington, we took this pic and tagged them on Facebook with the caption “The Euga’s should be here any minute…”

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Everything was going great, we were having so much fun, and I was reading GQ and dog-earing the pages of all the latest thing I want to buy. It was a great day, until the cops showed up. Opps. We have drank on that beach ALL THE TIME with no issue, but the minute our back is turned we turn back around and there is an UNDERCOVER cop car parked and a cop was right behind us. I have NEVER in my LIFE seen an undercover cop car on that beach. FAIL. Usually they are just like if they can’t see a beer can or anything they will leave you alone. He just made us pour our unopened beers out and then he left, but it was stressful and scary. Well, not for Christin’s friend who slept through the entire police raid. Afterwards we went to Chases’s for more drinks and laughs, and then called it a day. Driving home Adrianna and I talked about how that was the calmest and most tame beach day we have had in a LONG time, and I stated that it was just an intro into our summer 🙂

I passed out hard when I got home, I was so tired from another crazy weekend! My house has been a complete and utter disaster because I haven’t been home to clean! UGH. Whats a party boy to do!?

Whew. That was a lot of updating at once. But now you know what I have been up to 🙂

Has anyone been watching DALLAS?! I watched the funeral of JR. It was so sad! They did the intro song in a really slow trumpet, and showed JR walking into the sunset on Southfork. Oh I cried! And then Sue Ellen spoke at his funeral and said he was the love her life, oh I lost it, I was crying and sobbing. It was so sad. Oh and speaking of DALLAS, check this out…

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YBiLjDCa9BM 

My DALLAS penpal in Germany made that for my birthday, using the season 13 opener. AMAZING right?!

So, some stores right now are trying to bring back the double breasted blazer. Like, is that REALLY necessary? While I was reading my GQ on the beach I asked my friends about this and my buddy Chris couldn’t believe I wasn’t consulted regarding this matter. Stop it, stores and designers. That should NEVER come back. Just like jean shorts and wearing sandals with socks.  ::shivers::

I am on another Ebay kick, buying stuff like crazy. I found this vintage Southfork Ranch t shirt from DALLAS from 1983!

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This weekend I am off to see my buddy Mark in St. Augustine! And now, sleep.

Oh, follow me on Twitter please! @Naked_Disco.

Goodnight disco stars, wishing you champagne wishes and caviar dreams.

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SO. TIRED.

xo

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